What happens next??????

I guess it’s my age or maybe I am just getting more curious who knows, I have started thinking about my own mortality lately. I don’t know if it was all the tests the doctor sent me for, watching Randy Pausch http://www.cmu.edu/homepage/beyond/2008/summer/an-enduring-legacy.shtml give his last lecture, or possibly the passing of my Uncle. Dr. Pausch really effected me, he and I are the same age. Thinking about as Dr. Pausch put it “My family will be falling off a cliff and I won’t be there for them” Because of his diagnosis he was able to make some nets (arrangements) for his family. I have not planned as I should have I guess I kept telling myself, “that happens to them not me.”

What does happen when the lights finally go out? Is there a heaven or a hell? Was my Buddhist friend right when she said “If there is a heaven wouldn’t it be getting pretty full by now?” Are the Christians right Jesus is the only way to heaven? If so; why are the people who have never heard of Jesus (through no fault of their own) condemned to an eternity of damnation? Isn’t the Christian God all loving, forgiving, and all knowing? If he is all knowing; he knows who will and will not hear his word, does he just write off a certain percentage of the population?

I was raised as a southern Baptist, a member of a Mormon Boy Scout Troop, and studied both Native American religions traditions and Eastern religions and so far none of them have the answers I am looking for. I do believe in a supreme being, my favorite book is “Illusions: The adventures of a reluctant messiah” by Richard Bach. A friend once said “I believe in God I just get confused by all his fan clubs.” I guess that is a good way to put it, his fan clubs all the different religions competing for the number one spot.

So for now I will focus on building nets incase I depart before my wife, I want to make sure she has nothing to worry about. My children are off to a good start on their own and I want to have a few nets just to help them along if they need it. I will also concentrate on getting my PhD and hopefully become one the professors I respect for their authenticity and caring.

I would like to be remembered as a loving husband, father and grandfather, a good brother and son, a soldier and NCO who was there for his troops, a teacher who cared, and a friend who was true. Only time will tell about how I am remembered and by whom. I will strive to meet my goals, but will never really know if I did or not.